Tiny Pancake

Yesterday’s Mistakes Are Old News

2010-02-04T07:37:00.000Z

What happens to yesterday’s newspaper? Ok some of it does end up blowing down the street and getting wrapped around your shins, but most of it goes in the bin.

You read the news, maybe learn something that will make you that little bit smarter, or that will even help you to make a decision further down the line, but then that's it right? The paper has served its purpose, so there’s nothing left but to throw it away (in the correct recycling receptacle...of course).

So why not do the same with yesterday’s mistakes? We all make mistakes or decisions we later regret. So why dwell on them, turning them over and over in our minds, wishing we had done it differently, trying to somehow travel back in time to right it? How much time have you wasted recently thinking?

Damn I wish I’d handled that differently, if only I had blah blah idiot blah.

Maybe it’s time to think about those mistakes like yesterdays newspaper, learn from them, file them away to make a better decision next time and carry on a little bit smarter for it

.....oh and throw them away, there’s no point hanging on to old news.

Out Friending: The New ‘I’ve Got A Bigger One Than You’

2010-02-01T17:06:00.001Z

Ever notice that with some people, the need for number of friends has eclipsed the need for meaningful relationships with a few?

I’m so happy I’m not a teenager these days. High school can be hard enough for kids, what with being convinced that whole world is rubbish and your parents just don’t get you, your music or anything else, but now you’ve also got friending to deal with on social network sites like Facebook.
You used to be able to confine your social status to the confines of the playground, but now the whole world gets to find out just how unpopular you are by your e-friend count .

Here’s the thing, it doesn’t stop when you leave high school. I know plenty of people who are racking up their facebook friend count like it is some kind of competition. They’ll friend anyone and then share details of their personal life like they have known them for years.

I have to admit facebook makes it very easy, and it’s hard to turn a friend request down, but trying to maintain an interest in so many people makes maintaining friendships beyond the virtual world, where people actually meet and have a conversation, much more difficult.

There is only so much free time for socializing, can we really expect to take genuine interest in the pictures of someone’s family who we last saw 10 years ago or haven’t actually met in person?

There’s this British Anthropologist called Robin Dunbar. He proposed that there is a finite number of people that we can maintain genuine relationships with. This is known as Dunbar's Number. These are relationships in which each person knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person. There is no precise number for this but it is generally considered to be 150.

That’s a pretty damn big number. I know for some people they could easily do this, they would know the names of their partners, whether they had kids, their background where they went to school and key details of what makes them tick. Can you honestly do the same? Maybe it’s worth reassessing the friending game. It may free up some time to take more interest in the people you really care about.

Sure, Big Projects Are Scary

2010-01-29T16:09:00.001Z

Any big project can be scary. It can loom so large in your mind that it can appear impossible. Until you dive in and actually complete a project of that kind of magnitude, you may forever be stuck, marvelling at those people that can seemingly take on anything.

That’s right, I said ‘complete’, it’s another ball game altogether to actually deliver the finished item. Starting isn’t so tough. Lots of people start, but then just can’t get their heads around the enormity of what they have taken on and will use the first available, often ridiculous, reason to give up.

‘Yeah, I started writing a book once, was going really well actually, but then every time I tried to type the letter ‘a’, I got the strangest spasm in my little finger. Probably would have been a bestseller, but the finger just wouldn’t let me write it.’

I bet you've heard some people who have completed some pretty awesome projects say something like,

'You know, if I'd known then what I would have had to go through, I never would have started.'

Surely you’ve seen one of those docu-soaps, or is it soap-umentary? type programs about those wannabe overnight millionaire property developer. I love it when the presenter confronts them with the monumental disaster they are facing.

‘You’ve got four children under the age of 5, you have no roof, no power, no water and nowhere else to live. The estimated cost to finish the project is 120,000 pounds and you’ve got just 5pounds left in the budget to feed your family for the next month? Oh dear. Join us after the break to see if the Hanley’s commit suicide.’

A ton of enthusiasm and naiveté might be some folks way of starting something big, but it's the kind of stress that this kind of project brings that will prevent them from ever doing it again.

Wouldn't you rather be saying. 'If I'd known then what I know now, I would have saved a shit load of time and stress. I'll do it quicker, better and for less cash next time.' Sure you would. So instead of diving in like some amped up wannabe, get planning and set some small goals first.

I'm not big project veteran but I've done some stuff, and in my experience, the key is to keep the project as a whole at the very back of your mind, and only refer to it when completing several much smaller steps. Almost any project can seem impossibly intimidating if you look at the project as one giant teeming mass of 'how the hell can anyone do that'. Check out Tim Ferris' blog, this guy is touted as a Life Hacker. He takes on complex projects and de-constructs them. He hacks them and masters them in a much shorter space of time than you would ever think possible. This guy has been National Chinese kick box champion, holds a Guinness world record for Tango, speaks five languages and and and...well you get it, the list goes on.

I remember thinking Ironman triathlon was simply beyond the level of human endurance. I could barely swim a length of the pool, but by breaking it down into much smaller chunks, setting achievable goals for each week, I ramped up my distances relatively quickly. I’ve now raced a few ironman triathlons and now I get to hear people say;

‘I don’t know how you do it. I have trouble running for the bus.’

Ironman triathlon is a simple concept and it’s easy to measure success. You just need to swim, bike and run a little further each week. Before you know it, swimming 2.4miles, biking 112 and running a marathon doesn’t seem impossible. But it is still scary until you actually complete one. When you cross that line you know it is achievable. The next one is so much easier. You know that you can do it and you know that by setting small attainable goals that the impossible became possible. That’s it.

So what about more complicated tasks? Setting up your own business, writing a hugely successful blog or designing the next must have widget? Well, look at the project as a whole and you’ll probably find yourself saying ‘I could never do that, I just... (insert long list of excuses why not...you can use the spasmodic little finger)’

... or you could ask yourself,

‘What’s the smallest achievable goal on this journey that will let me know I’m getting there? Now what’s the next one and the next after that? You need some way to measure that you’re getting there. Now get started.

Should We Let The Shops Die?

2010-01-28T11:49:00.000Z

Remember those buildings you used to go into to get stuff before the internet?

They were called shops. You used to go in, sometimes begrudgingly with your partner on a Saturday afternoon, look at stuff, the colour, the texture, you could touch it, hold it in your hands, try it on and then you could put it down and go have a coffee to think about it whether you were going to buy it.

Here’s the best part, when you made the decision to buy this thing, you could take it home with you. I’m serious, you could take it right there and then, no waiting two or three days....or weeks, no emailing to find out where the hell it is. No extra charge to have it sent to you. The sales assistant would put it in a fancy bag, smile and hand it right over to you to take home.

Ok so that’s how it used to be done. Now, we online review sites like Epinions, trust other people’s opinion and hope that the thing we ordered; shows up on time, is exactly what we want, and fits.

There are a lot of things we can buy where online is a no brainer. Books, Movies, CDs (remember them?) Amazon even lets you take a peek inside the cover of the book, what with e-readers like the kindle on the up, and the awesome Apple ipad just out, it’s hard to imagine bookshops surviving at all.

So online rules for a lot of purchases. What about stuff like shoes, clothes, TV, Hifi? Don’t you want to try before you buy?

How much extra are you prepared to pay to go into a shop, try on that pair of shoes, walk up and down making sure they don’t rub or look rubbish on your uniquely odd shaped foot ?

How much is it worth to you, to try on several different styles and sizes, making sure you get exactly what you want?

Or are you one of those people, who do all of the above, smile a little sheepishly at the shop assistant who’s just been helping you for the last half hour and say...’er....it’s not quite what I want.’ Then go and buy them online for 25% less.

Hey we’ve all done it, but if we keep doing it, there just isn’t going to be any of these product showrooms available for too much longer.

We can all rant about, how they shouldn’t charge so damn much, but sometimes the experience of physically shopping really does command a premium and we should expect to pay a little more for that.

So next time, why not say to the shop assistant, you know these (insert browsed item) cost like 30% less online, I know you can’t sell them to me for the same price but if you can get nearer, we can do business.

Yeah, I know it’s a long shot, but I’ve noticed some shops already say they’ll price match online, you just have to ask. If we all start negotiating a bit more, maybe they’ll see the light and realize that unless they start offering a premium service at an acceptable price, online will snuff them out..

It's All In The Details

2010-01-27T08:34:00.000Z

We were out for dinner at Cecconi's in Mayfair on Saturday night with some really good friends of ours. It is a fantastic restaurant, we had a really great evening and the food was some of the best Italian I've ever had....yep even better than Pizza Express and Strada.
However, they got a couple of things wrong.
I feel a bit like Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm just bringing up these seemingly trivial things and this post is in danger of sounding whiny, but the overall experience was slightly tainted by a few details.
Hey, you get too many details wrong and it's not too long before a fantastic restaurant (cafe, business, hotel....whatever) can become mediocre or just rubbish.
The swanky but relaxing interior of Cecconi's is designed by Ilse Crawford who owner Nick Jones uses for all his ventures, notably Soho House, so you would think she would know a few things about lighting and especially how senisitive the girls can be to this sort of thing. We were led to a table just near to the bar where a burning halogen spotlight threw down a star trek like teleporting beam from the ceiling. You were ok so long as you leaned back in your chair, but should you edge forward to engage in conversation, the bazillion photons showering down would pick out every bump and defect, throwing long shadows down your face turning you into an Alice Cooper look alike. As my beautiful wife leaned into the beam, I yelped, involuntarily retreating in my chair, kicking wildly at the table to get away.
Ok, maybe an exageration, but the lighting was so wrong and it understandably upset my wife, who'd got all fancied up for the occasion only to be cruelly lit.
Ok, a couple of glasses of wine later, the lighting was forgotten and it was time to check out the toilets.
You can tell a lot about a place by how much time and effort has gone into the design of this room and how clean it is kept.
Personally, I don't like it when there's a dude in there handing out towels, filling up the sink and trying to spray you with a range of different mings. Especially when there's that tip tray being nudged and glanced at throughout the exchange of meaningless toilet banter, but somebodies got to pick up those used hand towels that have missed the basket, that's just lazy.
The urinal is one of those super long porcelain designs that go right down to the floor. Yeah they look cool, but this was clearly designed by a lady. Any guy knows you have to have a splash guard on those things. If you've got any kind of water pressure in your hose, you are going to get splash back when stream hits an inabsorbent wall of porcelain. Come on, it's basic physics. The poor fella next too me was horrified by the dark flecks peppering his light tanned suede mocs, he almost leapt away mid flow. It's a good job he wasn't also wearing tanned slacks.

Ok so that's was pretty much it, but you throw in a couple more oversights like that and you can turn a great evening into a crappy one.
I'm still loving Cecconi's and will definitely go back. But if you see Jones, tell him to fit a splash guard. That guy in the tanned sued mocs may never come back.

Ever Have Good Customer Service Bowl You Over?

2010-01-26T08:39:00.000Z

It's actually unbelievable to me that we still get such lousy customer service these days. It is just too easy to jump online and totally e-slap the company you've been mistreated by.
Virgin Media managed to totally alienate us in just two short weeks of signing up. Completely disinterested tech support, total lack of empathy in our disappointment with the abismal internet connection, movie service collapse and a complete unwillingness to do anything about it, resulted in termination of the contract.
I guess when you have the monopoly there really isn't any motivation to service your customers, you have such a massive order base that you can afford to piss off a few...hey where else are they going to go? The attitude seems to be, '... only reason they called us was because they probably can't get a sky dish on their roof.' (true in our case)
Is it just big companies that think they can afford to give crappy service? Many banks, insurance and car dealerships using call centres get a lot of bad e-press for bad service and don't seem to want to do too much about it. Smaller companies working on a more personal level know their success is based on recommendations.
Big business is slowly catching on. Just google 'Dell Hell' to see what I mean. The search will throw up quite a few references to Jeff Jarvis' nightmare with Dell customer service and the resultant turn around that revolutionized the way their customers were treated online.
Customers talk to each other online through reviews, forums and blogs. Big companies can't treat us like crap anymore. The 'buy it because there aint nothing better' philosophy has to change. There are so many smaller companies coming up and making better products by listening to what the web is saying.

Finally on to my recent experience, I had an issue with my disc brakes on my mountain bike, these are top of the line brakes (Avid Juicy Ultimate Mag SL for those interested), the problem has actually been ongoing for months and finally they completely failed. I presumed I would just have to buy new brakes, but checked out the mtbr.com forum to see if anyone else had a similar problem. Sure enough, there was a well documented problem with these brakes.
I emailed the U.K importer for these brakes, not really expecting much. 4 minutes later, my mobile rang.

'Hi, this is Scott from Fisher Outdoor Leisure.'
.......(silence, a soft thud as my jaw hits the desk)
'Hello...You emailed us about your brakes?'
'Wow, that was quick.' Was all I could manage.

Anyways, he arranged for me to drop off my brakes at my local Evan's bike shop. I groaned, Evan's is filled with temporary staff who don't really give a toss. Evans would send the brakes back, they would be evaluated and then either repaired or replaced.
Here we go, 4 weeks of constant phonecalls to try and track what's going on with the brakes....you see I have worked in bike shops, I know the lack of urgency that prevails.
But no....Darryl from Evan's phoned me to say, the brakes had been picked up.
He then phoned a few days later to say the new brakes had been returned. Brand new top of the line brakes.
I was blown away. Companies are so often trying to wriggle out of their responsibility to follow through on after sales care, making excuses and even accusations that the product was misused. You just can't get away with this behaviour anymore. All you big companies out there better just WAKE UP, you can't just hide away in your ivory towers. Seth Godin has a great book about this, small is the new BIG.
The thing is, good service should be the norm. People are more likely to complain than to praise in the online forum, yet here I am. I guess when it's such a bolt from the blue, you feel compelled to tell everyone about it.
Nice work Fisher Outdoor, you have reserved some hope in me.

Flaming Lips At The TROXY

2009-11-11T08:34:00.000Z

'Er...we better go.' Caroline says looking at the clock.

'Yeah, s'pose'. I say-a bundle of enthusiasm.

'They're on at 8:45'

'Yeah, I know.'

The conversation is not the usual pre-gig amped up banter, bubbling with excitement, interspersed with spontaneous song breakout. La la la-ing the parts of the song we don't really know and cranking it up to 11 for the bits we do.

Thing is, we've been looking forward to this gig for friggin ages.

The Flaming Lips are famous for putting on an awesome show, sure the songs are a bit whacky and there's only like three of them that you'll know if you're not already a fan, but they're different and they are cool....maybe not like Fonzi, but what is?

The reason we're not pumped up and ready to rock, is because it's a tuesday night and with two kids under 3.2 years old, getting all crazy funned up is just a lot harder these days.

So, having the sitter booked in anyway, (thanks Dad) we begrudgingly rolled out into the cold dark wintery night not expecting much from the evening.

First off, the TROXY is an amazing venue. It's a 1930s art deco building recently given a face lift that holds a couple of thousand punters. It's kind of like a fancy version of the Brixton academy in that it's an old theatre with loads of standing space downstairs and a giant balcony of seating upstairs.

We pitched up at around 9pm and the band was all out on stage just faffing around with their instruments and high fiving each other. Ok so a few minutes of that is fine, they smacked the drums a bit and gave their guitars a tweak, but this went on for like half an hour.

But when they did kick off......Holy Guacamole, these guys know how to put on a show.

Some stage hand dudes, start whooping up the crowd with some crazy heavy bass building up to gut rumbling volume, then the band come out through this door in the middle of this giant semi circular screen showing some crazy semi-erotic visuals and then this ball inflates with the lead singer, Wayne Coyne, inside. Then he barrels out into the audience, crowd surfing inside this giant ball.

Needless to say, the crowd are going nuts at this point and then when he makes it back and gets out his giant crowd surfing balloon, these cannons fire out masses of multi coloured ticker tape and a gazillion giant orange and yellow balloons, not just your 3 year old toddler type ballons, but mega 3 feet diameter freak balloons, come rolling out into the bouncing crowd. The whole place errupts like a crazy people volcano.

We were totally blown away and in spite of my recent hip surgery, I was bopping along with the awesome rock blasting from the massive 20feet high speakers.

For a couple of parents who have been snatching a few hours of sleep a night for the past 5 months the sensory overload was mind blowing.

Of course all that lack of kip and party abstinence impacted our rocking potential and after a few slow tracks, the kind where the crowd sway rather than hop around, we were catching the remaining ticker tape in our gaping yawns.

We just couldn't rock it to the end.....don't hate us.....we have little kids......and it was a tuesday.

Catch the Flaming Lips at the TROXY or anywhere else if you can. They totally rock.

Are Celebrities All Just F***ing Each Other?

2009-11-05T09:58:00.000Z

Hey, so I know it's been ages since I posted anything up here, which will no doubt have disappointed all three of you that read this blog.....

what? There's only two of you now......

and I'm one of them?

Oh man, why do I bother. I guess I just love the sound of my own typing or something.

So here's a video that went viral featuring Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck, which Jimmy made in response to a video that Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon made (which is featured in part in the above video) about how they are f***ing, which in itself aint that funny, except that Sarah Silverman is Jimmy Kimmel's long time girlfriend and probably not Matt Damon's usual f*** buddy.

Yeah, I know this is really old and you've no doubt seen it before, but it makes me laugh and it's kind of interesting to think that once you get your application accepted into proper A-list celeb world, then you can help yourself to pretty much anything, whether it's a role in a movie, dinner at exclusive restaurants, making a viral youtube video with all your A-list pals or just getting it on with another A-lister.....it's all good y'all.

Check Out My Shaggyfrogstories

2009-09-14T14:35:00.000+01:00

So anyways, far be it for me to blow smoke up my own ass, but I have this other blog, shaggyfrogstory.com, where I post some short stories I have been writing lately. Those of you who know me well, know that I've been writing stories for years. Not that this qualifies them as being any good of course, but anyways, I can hope.

I have added some of my drawings to the stories and will podcast the stories as well. I've just podcasted the story about a bunch of crows that get organized and pull off the greatest burger restaurant heist of all time. Listen to 'Tonight, We Feast Like Kings.'

You can even subscribe with iTunes if you like.

I'm not the only author on this site, Alex Bruce has posted a few stories about the darker going ons in Edinburgh, his stories are a completely different style to my slightly odd lighter offerings but extremely good quality. I hope you all get a chance to take a look.

If any of you have short stories that you would like to feature, please let me know.

Please subscribe to the RSS feed.

Uh oh there goes another Fixie

2009-08-19T08:15:00.000+01:00

As I pull up to the red light on my sweet Titanium Lynskey road bike, a guy on a fixie rolls past me. He has on super tight jeans that don't quite make it to his waist, exposing a puff of billowing pant and some bum. His faux trashed satchel is hanging down from his shoulder, just low enough to interfere with his pedal stroke and occasionally hit the back wheel. He is not wearing a helmet, which I guess is fine, as there are no brakes on his bike, so he probably doesn't have much to protect inside his noggin anyway.

His bike is sweet though, it's totally black, and he has white aero rims with white spokes and jet black tyres. The stem and handlebar is white as well, but the bar is only about 6inches long.

He is edging into the junction, shaking his tangled fringe from his eyes, trying to see if there are any cars coming. He is wobbling, his back wheel is fixed (hence 'fixie') to his drivetrain, so he cannot freewheel, he needs to keep pedalling, he has no brakes and hasn't figured out how to slow the bike with the drivetrain.

This is probably his first bike since that summer when he was 6 years old and bikes were awesome, only to replaced by football the following summer which was then more awesome, which was then ultimately replaced by being cool by not exercising at all.

He tries to twitch his tiny handlebar to keep balance, but he doesn't really know what he's doing. He is almost in the middle of the junction now. A car swerves and just misses him, he can't afford to take his hand off the bars but he does anyway to flip the bird and yell some totally unjustified obscenity. He has miraculously made it across the junction alive. The lights turn green and I set off in a preselected gear and pull up behind him. He tries to pedal but his trousers have slipped a little further down and now his legs are virtually bound by denim. He reaches for his belt to yank his trousers up but it throws him off balance and he swerves into a parked car, bounces off the door and lands on his side in the road.

I can see only his pride is hurt, this time, and he scrambles up, ensuring his styled ruffled hair is adjusted first, so I ride by laughing.

There are so many fixies in London now it really is phenomenal. I love bikes and I love seeing more people on them. There are so many really cool looking fixies out there, I totally get the attraction. It's a way to express urban creativity and bikes are an awesome way to get round town. But for the love of low traffic fatality statistics, just stick a decent brake on there and get a freewheel. This means your feet aren't bouncing around like mad going down hill, you don't get ejected off the front of your bike when you have to stop suddenly and you can go round corners without clipping your pedal on the ground. Fixies are for the track you crazy fixie fools.

London dispatch riders 'couriers' who ride fixies know what they are doing, they understand traffic, they are excellent bike handlers. You don't see couriers wobbling through red light junctions swearing at drivers.

All you 'cool' wannabe couriers are just hopeless on a fixie. You can't react quick enough. You need to understand this. I see crashes and near misses nearly every day commuting in London. Keep the cool mix of colours and beautiful simplicity of a singlespeed bike, but lose the fixed gear. Your swerving about, out of control, is just pissing off drivers and angry cars are bad for everyone.

Save Our Planet: Stop Farting And Drive An Electric Car

2009-07-19T10:27:00.000+01:00

I’m stuck under a bridge in Balham, not stuck due to my immense size, like some giant troll lurking under the arches ready to snag a crossing billy goat gruff, but stuck between two behemoth all terrain vehicles piloted by one terrain, urbanites commuting home. I’m on my push bike, not to necessarily because I’m driven to save mother Earth, although that is a nice perk, but simply because I love riding it and these days it’s the only way aside from bench pressing my wee 2.8 year boy into the air to the tune of giggles and ‘again again again’ to stay fit.

The density of fumes are building more by the second. I’m aware that I’m getting less air with each inhalation. I’m starting to feel dizzy. The acrid stench of diesel is driving waves of nausea from the pit of my stomach. I’ve got to get out of this jam. I’m going to pass out. Then the light goes green and we all trundle off, me with a gasp and a cough and them with a thick black puff of soot enriched exhaust from all four of their chromed exhaust pipes.

This particular choking experience got me thinking about a talk on TED.com by Shai Agassi, an environmental futurist promoting replacement of all fossil fuelled cars with electric cars. Imagine how wonderful it would be to walk or run or cycle around a major metropolis with clean air. If you live in a city like London, this fresh air nirvana is almost impossible to grasp. That is until you step into some countryside and almost passout from the dizzying rush of an O2 overdose.

Agassi has theoretically demonstrated his concept will work. He describes battery swapping stations instead of petrol stations. Car parks with electric hook-ups to charge while you shop or work. He explains that cars stand still for approximately 20 out of 24hours. Charging could take place at night when there is less electricity demand, there would therefore not need to be any grid modifications to take care of the extra load. He has shown that with the rise in fossil fuel prices and of course the inevitable demise, electric vehicles will be far cheaper to run and with less moving parts, cheaper and easier to maintain. What’s not to like?

Well, you know the die hard environmentalists, the one's who use cars to get around but hate that they need them, let’s call them ‘Crazy Greens’ for now, will find something wrong with Agassi’s idea. They seem to be able to link everything anyone does to global warming. I’m sure they would probably criticise the fact that building a new car electric or otherwise produces tons of CO2 and of course that at the moment, we in the UK, require fossil fuel burning power stations to produce the majority of our electricity required to power these electric vehicles (Agassi actually plans to build giant solar panel farms in the desert to harness enough solar power for all the cars in Israel).

At some point you have to do something. You have to think big and change the way people consume. You can’t just stop people consuming by taxing them back to the dark ages. You can’t say, drive an old crappy car that spits out clouds of nasty particulates because building a new one produces more CO2 than it will save by driving it, people will just not do it. Global warming is hard to get your head around, but breathing clean air is an easy concept to grasp. You only have to walk down the high street at rush hour on a sunny day to understand how important clean air is.

So many people have gone global warming mental, they’ve lost sight of the practical ways in which to reduce it....that is if it exists at all....uh oh I see a can spilling worms everywhere.

The Danish Tax Commission estimates that a cow will emit 4 tonnes of methane a year in burps and farts, compared with 2.7 tonnes of carbon dioxide for an average car. Governments are talking about hitting farmers with a burp and fart tax. The crazy greens, I should perhaps separate them into shades of green, as I consider myself a sort of pale green, want people to stop eating meat to reduce the burp/fart global warming contribution. Instead of this totally impractical banning, we should all think more like Agassi and explore ways to utilize this burp/fart gas. Thankfully there are more like Agassi and some have already found ways to harness the power of the burp and fart. Methane can be burned to produce electricity. Instead of solar panel farms, maybe Agassi will be promoting a shed full of pigs hooked up to a small methane burning power station producing clean electricity for your car and maybe an order baby back ribs with each full charge.

How long before the crazy greens want to ban foods that cause us to burp and fart? After all, the planet’s population is growing by the day, by 2020 there will be 1billion more of us around. That’s a lot of burps and farts hitting the skies. There would have to be a scale of different types of food that produced more or less gas and taxed accordingly. I know that personally, a Moosehead beer will generate a good 5 second multi pitch fart that no doubt contributes far more grams of greenhouse gas than the discreetly jettisoned air biscuit squeaked out by a Budweiser. Don’t even start me on the gaseous drama after a Bodeans pulled pork special drenched with Louisiana hot sauce. Excuse me but that last melted ice cap may have been me.

Project TOTR: The most awesome Outrigger Sailing Canoe In The World

2009-07-08T17:16:00.000+01:00

We sat in Nero’s eating burgers, waiting for the perfect name to blink into somebodies mind.

Egg yolk ran between my knuckles as I drove my teeth into the bun of the giant ‘American Special’, the clever name for the biggest burger Nero had to offer.

We are in Bergen, a cool little village in the North of Holland. We are all kinds of tired, but happy. Today we ran a gruelling 21km in brutal icy wind across sandy beach, trails and frosty cycle paths, as part of the Egmond half marathon, the biggest beach race of its kind in Holland.

The room suddenly slowed down, the music stopped and the temperature dropped ten degrees, then a giant 600W lightbulb appeared above my head, blazing brightly with all the genius of the most brilliant idea ever conceived. Yes it’s a metaphor, but it actually happened.

‘I’ve got it’, I say, pumping my fist and spraying pieces of half chewed burger at cousin Toj and Stu.

Cousin Toj drops his forehead into his hands awaiting another ridiculous idea.

‘You should call it..... Tears-’ I demonstrate by wiping my eyes, ‘-of the Rainbow’, I draw an arc with a trembling jazz hand in the space between us.

Cousin Toj and Stu stare at me in silence.

‘I know,’ I say softly, ‘it’s brilliant’.

‘Tears Of The Rainbow?’ Stu asks.

Cousin Toj is shaking his head, still held in his hands.

‘Yeah, Tears Of The Rainbow. You could shorten it to T.O.T.R.’ (pronounced Totter, with silent ‘t’s)

‘That’s lame.’ Cousin Toj says.

‘And that, is why it’s sooooo fricken cool.’

‘Aren’t rainbows something to do with being gay?’ Stu offers.

‘Sometimes.’ I concede. ‘But TOTR is for everyone.’

It’s the most amazing boat I have ever seen. Not that I’m any kind of boat geek or anything, so my opinion may be worth Jack, but if you ever saw this vessel in the flesh, or got the chance to run your fingers along the lovingly shaped Oregon Pine cross beams or sighted down the perfect lines of the hull and two floats, you would have to agree it is a work of art, a hydrodynamic slice of awesome built by my cousin Toj.

So is cousin Toj some sort of amazing boat builder? Well he is now.

The thing about cousin Toj is he needs a mission, a project that everyone tells him he would have to be crazy to get into. I think he’ll agree that the mission of smiting an outrigger sailing canoe from the ground up has to be the pinnacle of these wild ideas. After all, before project TOTR, he had never built any kind of boat beyond the paper folding variety in kindergarten.

But why an outrigger? Why couldn’t he have just made a regular canoe and be done in a fraction of the time? Well to understand this, you need to know a few things about cousin Toj first.

Cousin Toj is a beach jedi. A legend of surf and wind. He won’t ever tell you this, but you’ll know it when you see him in his natural sandy habitat.

Perennially tanned and unshaven, he is at one with the gusting salty beach wind and violent rip tides of the north sea. He lives on the beach in North Holland, not literally of course, not like a seagull or anything, but he can survive for months at a time eating only sand and shells...and drinking cold Heineken. He has travelled all around the world, checking out the best surfing and kiting spots and picking up necessary beach survival skills, from stoking up a perfect bbq using only driftwood, a lighter and a can of deodorant, to breathing huge balls of fire with lamp oil.

Toj has always been inspired by the surfing and kayaking legends of Hawaii and the pacific islands, he is Egmond aan Zee’s resident Laird Hamilton, so I guess it was inevitable he would draw inspiration for his project from the wave riding, paddle and sailing outriggers of Micronesia.

To kick off, he sourced some plans from a dude in New Zealand, but soon after abandoned them to create his own hybrid style, influenced by various photos and drawings in books and online.

To say project TOTR nearly killed him is no exaggeration....ok maybe a bit, but it sounds more dramatic than ‘it was really really hard and took over a year to complete’...and there was some epoxy inhalation issues that caused him to have a nasty cough for a while, but damn this boat was worth it.

In fact news of the awesomeness of TOTR quickly spread and Quicksilver offered to buy the boat, but too much blood and tears are ingrained in the structure of TOTR to let her go that easily. There was sailing to be done.

If you are ever in the village of Egmond aan Zee, you should take a stroll along the beach and check out TOTR, she’ll be parked up with lots of very average looking racing catamarans. If you are lucky enough and the conditions are right, you might even see cousin Toj rigging her up, ready for some North Sea action. Throw him a bank roll of euros and he might even take you out.

Now you've heard about TOTR, you'll no doubt want the T-shirt.

Check it out the official TOTR merchandise, Old Skool TOTR and TOTR Hawaii,

aloha my tinypancake brothers and sisters .

Go Lance Go

2009-07-03T14:04:00.000+01:00

Tour de France Stage 20: Final Training Video -- powered by http://www.livestrong.com

So the tour starts tomorrow and I just can't wait to see Lance Armstrong back in action.

I'm in no way in the minority, the buzz around the story of Lance's return to the peloton after a three year hiatus of rock n roll with his Hollywood pals is immense. However, there are plenty of folk out there who are less than happy with the return of the 7 time tour de france champ.

Yep, it's those pathetic cynics who just can't help ranting about doping......soooo boring.

I'm sick to death of Lance critics accusing him of doping. I just don't understand their motivation, it's just so ridiculous. Their justification for these allegations is that they just want fairplay, (be sure to read in a really whiny voice), they just want to make sure that there is a level playing field.

Oh for chrissakes, that is such a pile of crap, you'd have to genetically test people to create a level playing field anyway. I'd love to push 450watts for over an hour, but I could train everyday for the rest of my life and not get close.

Is this mission to create a level playing field and sense of fairplay more important than giving hope to millions of people dying from one of the most terrible diseases we have to face today?

Who hasn't been touched by this horrible disease? What's in it for you to jeopardise this hope?

I am not saying it is ok for Lance Armstrong to dope because he is doing amazing things for charity. I'm saying, let the anti doping agencies do their job and shut the hell up, because your whining is not serving anyone. If you just don't like him....that's ok, he probably doesn't like you either. Just think for a second, why are you really so pissed off? Is it because your favourite Italian mountain whippet is just not cutting it? Sure he tries really hard, but he's a little bit stupid and hasn't looked into the latest technology and training techniques. Sorry but he's so much more likely to stick a needle in his buttock and get some go juice, because he listens to the old dogs of the road, the good ol boys who neck a hip flask of whiskey before sticking it in the 53x12 to get up the next mountain pass. Vive la old skool.

Lance Armstrong is a smart guy, he would have to be insane to take performance enhancing drugs. He has more to loose than anyone in the history of cycling. Can you possibly imagine how soul destroying it would be to let down all the thousands who follow him on twitter everyday, the millions of people who believe in him, who hold him as a source of inspiration and hope?

You have to be fricken kidding me if you think he would throw this all away for a few extra watts going up a mountain. Those people don't care if he wins, they love him anyway. He's alive and kicking, maybe if they believe and want it badly enough, they'll kick the dreaded C into touch as well.

If you know anything at all about Lance, you will know that he trains meticulously, he assembles a team of experts to advise him in every aspect of going faster on a bike. There are no details he will miss to ensure he squeazes every last second out of the race. He's a professional dammit. Let him ride and if he wants to save the world afterwards, then let's give him a chance to do that as well. He might just do it.

What’s So Funny About British Military Fitness?

2009-06-30T17:02:00.000+01:00

‘What do I do to stay fit?' The man said, setting his pint down on the table and tapping his small pot belly as though it had once been substantially larger. 'I BMF. It’s totally changed my life.’

I overheard this conversation in a pub near Clapham Common a couple of weeks ago. BMF had changed this man’s life. I had previously thought BMF was just a pretty funny activity to watch when walking across the common. Apparently it's so much more.

These days, you just can’t get away with visiting a London Park without seeing a bunch of slightly overweight twenty to thirty somethings, huffing and puffing through almost press ups or nearly sprints, being shouted at by an often quite short stocky man, in military cargo pants carrying a whistle.

What? You haven’t seen them?

Oh... you’re one of them.

Well here’s the thing. British Military Fitness, or BMF, as they like to call it, is quite the fitness phenomenon. I’d say it could go bigger than rollerblades.

Sure it looks a lot like P.E classes at school. You wear either a red or blue bib and you get screamed at by some red faced beefcake welsh rugby fanatic type bloke who gets way too much enjoyment from seeing you suffer your way through ‘ONE MORE PUSH UP’ in that patch of grass that looks a bit too fertile and smells really nasty. You still have to get out there no matter how crappy the weather is and there is always a pitiful struggling fatty at the back, who really doesn’t want to be there.

The only difference, as far as I can tell, is wannabe fit folk happily pay for this type of P.E class and genuinely want to go through with this camaraderie of suffering. I'm guessing that many are not so happy to be on their backs in the grass lifting their fellow BMFers up in the air with their legs until the muscles fail and they're squashed into the mud, but are scared into it by media bombardement with stories of obesity, fat Britain and an early grave, unless we all jump off the couch and into a set of 50 squat thrusts. Over dramatized it may be, but a scary reality for sure.

Ok, so I have to agree that BMF is good, if it means that otherwise tubby, unfit Londoners are going to get healthy. I used to laugh at the BMFers looking all feeble and tired as they slipped around in the wet grass piggybacking, starjumping or hopping while holding hands. But actually, although that image does not stop being funny, they are doing something about getting fit. They are getting off their fleshy behinds and finding out how amazing the human body is.

I’ve seen way too many people in the gym hitting ‘Cardio’ for maybe 5 or 10mins max and hardly raising a single bead of sweat. If you want to get fit, you need to exercise for at least 30 minutes at or above your threshold heartrate and you need to do it three times a week. 10mins on the stairmaster once a week aint gonna do it. Sorry.

So next time you see the BMFers in a park, don’t just laugh at them....ok laugh at some of them, but look a little closer, not all of them are unweildy and clumsy, there are other groups that are slightly fitter, and then more groups that are fitter still. In fact some of those groups, are pretty kick ass fit. I wonder how many of those fit folk started in the huffy puffy slug group that sloths about whining, as sergent major barks orders for yet more burpees and squat thrusts.

BMF has some how made it ok to exercise. By sticking people in groups and harking back to secondary school P.E class tactics, they’re getting fat unfit Londoners all lean and healthy. I bet they are making a killing as well, there’s no shortage of young Londoners in desperate need of a few shuttle sprints.

So will I be joining them? Er....no. I’ve had enough of P.E lessons. Besides, I like to train alone. (insert Rocky theme tune....maybe a video montage)

World's Smallest Pancake?

2009-06-24T13:14:00.001+01:00

So what's the current record for the smallest pancake?

I've surfed about a bit and seen some stuff people have posted.

Outrageous claims of 'world's smallest pancake' are all over the internet, but I don't seen anything that rivals this culinary delight.

I have used a THMS600 temperature controlled microscope stage with heating rates from 0.01C/min to 130C/min and better than 0.1C stability dammit.

Is your pancake made using this cutting edge temperature controlled technology?

No, I thought not.

Behold, the World's Smallest and Possibly Tastiest pancake.

Everyone's Got To Have A Wicked Cool Party Trick

2009-06-15T16:50:00.000+01:00

‘Stand back, stand back God Dammit, this shit is dangerous’, I shouted at the collection of inebriated friends and ‘sort of know yous’ crowding around my cousin, Toj, as he filled his mouth with lamp oil.

‘Prepare to be amazed .’ I announced, as more and more people spilled into the garden of our Stockwell, ground floor flat.

The party had been going strong for a good few hours and although it was still going large, it was time to spice things up.

‘Please do not attempt this at home or any other party in the London SW4 area. These death defying skills have been learned over a period of many years from Polynesian monks in.......Polynesia. ‘ A quick swig of warm Stella to prepare more patter.

‘Before these monks would even begin to train Cousin Toj, he first had to demonstrate the ancient art of growing back a burned off tongue, lips and eyebrows.’

The crowd stood by in nervous anticipation. At least those who were looking in the right direction and not stoned did.

‘Go wild, go crazy, as cousin Toj will now display this most ancient art of self defence.’

I can’t remember at which point I tripped, but I watched the massive ball of fire spray from my cousins mouth, lying on my back in the grass. I remember hearing the chorus of

‘F**k me’

from the crowd, as this ridiculously huge plume of flames torched the night air. It was more like a flipping car bomb than a crazy party trick, and I’m pretty sure everyone there never forgot it.

I remember saying to myself, ‘Damn. I gotta get me a party trick like that.’

So check this one out. Build your own wee fireball you can hold. Not as cool as cousin Toj but still pretty Wicked.

How To Build A Fireball You Can Hold - Watch more Funny Videos

BING.....But It’s Not Google

2009-06-12T13:39:00.000+01:00

Bing, you’re right, it’s not Google and for the bonus point can you tell me who has brought us this new search engine?'

'It’s Microsoft', you blurt excitedly. Well good for you genius. They only spent a gazillion dollars on advertising to tell us about it. (Who spends money on advertising a search engine anyway and even so, how come so many people I know have no idea what it is?)

Yeah, Bing is here, it's the new search to rival Google. But what does it stand for?

I like But It’s Not Google. It's probably not the Acronym that Microscoft intended, at least it couldn't be in the way that I read it. I see this as, are you crazy, it's not Google, so how could I like it. I feel the same way about peanut butter. You might have made the greatest peanut butter in the world, but if it is not chunky with real crunchy chunks of peanut in it, I just don't get it. What's the appeal?

I think But It's Not Google, is like saying 'Oh come on Microsoft, surely you realize you can’t have search without Google... Google is search, you silly goose (read; giant software corporation with almost limitless resource for development of internet stuff)

But maybe they intended 'BECAUSE It's Not Google':

Microsoft maybe saying, 'Hey, it’s not google, it’s something else. You don’t want to be forced to use just one brand of anything, we know all about that, we're the experts. We know you have freedom of choice. You don’t want google telling you our way is the only way to search, so you better just love it, or go back to using those big houses filled with printed paper and humans that like to be called librarians or something.

But this would be pretty dangerous thinking. Wouldn't it? I mean it can't just be not Google. It has to be more awesome in so many ways. So many of us are properly invested in Google with gmail, googlemaps, picasa, flippin everything google.

Bing is pretty slick and so far I like it. It’s kind of funky in a way that no Microsoft stuff is. That video thing you do where you can hover over each clip on the page and it immediately starts playing is awesome. But dammit Microsoft you better make sure it is at least as awesome as Google or we’ll try it and dump it. Freedom of choice is one thing, but I’m not going to use your product if it’s crap, just because it’s not google.

But here’s why I’m really pleased. It’s not that I have another choice for search. It’s that if Bing is any good. It means that Google will work even harder to make their search better. The same thing happened when Steve Jobs gave us the ipod. MP3 players were all chunky rubbish boxes with lousy battery life, poor memory and rubbish user interface. Along comes the ipod and everyone ramps up their development giving us so much more choice.

So what if Bing is not Google, maybe Google with up their googlefication and google the hell out of Bing, maybe Bing will bing the hell out of Google. Either way, we’re winners.

Brookstone and Tempur-Pedic, The Magical Sleep Foam

2009-06-10T17:40:00.000+01:00

I had some time to kill at San Francisco airport a few weeks ago and I found myself strolling into a Brookstone store, you know the stores loaded with techy crap you sort of like but don’t ever actually buy. In fact, it really is only when you have some serious time to kill, that you end up in a Brookstone store. I don’t know about you but I don’t imagine I’ll ever think to myself,

'Holy yikes, I nearly forgot. Sweetheart, when we get to the airport, I have just got to pop into the brookstone and buy a ridiculously large full body massaging recliner’ or maybe,

‘Wow that’s lucky, good job we came to the brookstone store, I totally forgot to pack my futuristic alarm clock that projects the time in 5 feet high bright red digits on my wall and responds to my cursing by firing math problems at me in a cheery mechanical voice.’

Surely, people don’t actually buy stuff in these shops right? At least this is what I used to think.

So I’m in the store trying on a pair of those LCD movie glasses that seem like a brilliant idea until you actually try them and realize that you no longer know what’s going on in the real world beyond these wonder specs. I’m watching some demo video of a plane flying through the grand canyon. I feel a bit nauseous but hey I’m totally flyin...

‘Any questions’, the small Asian sales guy chirps in my ear. He’s close enough that I feel his breath against my face. He pronounces ‘questions’ as ‘Ke-shuns’

I nearly hit the ceiling clawing at my face to remove the TV goggles.

‘Any Ke-shuns?’ He says again as I pick up the glasses and return them to the stand.

I hate pushy sales people. If I’ve got questions, I’m not going to keep them a secret dammit.

‘Just browsing.’ I mumble. Making a mental note to never try on a pair of LCD glasses again.

I move through the store checking out other weird gadgets I’m never going to buy and see the classic monster massager recliner. There are two of them and two giant kiwi rugby players occupy them in full reclining mode, getting the works and clearly not intending to buy.

In the corner there’s a giant double bed. There are no sheets or anything, it just looks like a giant slab of foam. I curiously prod my fingers into it. Wow they disappear into the springy dough like substance.

‘Ke-shuns?’ He’s back. I never heard him coming. I swear he just appeared like some magical elf.

‘Pritty good.’ He says nodding and smiling. ‘You ever try Tempur-Pedic sir?’

‘Nope, never felt the need.’ I say, as I push my hand deeper into the foam. It springs back leaving no indentation as I pull my hand free.

‘You want to try it?’ He says. He’s right up in my personal space and smiling way too much. It’s like he’s pushing a new secret narcotic, one he know I’ve never heard of.

‘Go on try it.’ He says with more determination. His smile fades ever so slightly, his eyes narrowing.

It’s like that first free hit of heroin. He wants me to try the Tempur-Pedic. I can tell he’s not going to take no for an answer.

‘No thanks, I’ve already got a mattress thanks.’ I offer weakly. My hand has gone back to the sensuous foam.

‘Try it.’ He says again, giving me a gentle nudge.

‘No thanks.’

But there’s no retreating space left, he’s shuffled right up to me, nudging me, edging me closer to the magical foam. I start to feel like I want it, like it wants me.

‘Go on, you like it. Everybody does.’ His voice is almost a whisper and he winks.

He’s told me it is ok, everybody likes it, there’s no shame.

‘I....I just don’t...’

One final nudge and I’m falling. Oh God I’m going to land on the flipping mattress. It catches me like some giant gob of cookie dough. I expect to bounce a bit, but I don’t, the foam has me in its clutches. I look up at sales guy and he nods smiling. He knows.

I nod back. ‘Yep. Pretty good.’

‘I know, I told you.’ He says clapping his hands and jumps on the bed next me. ‘Move around, it support, see?’ He wriggles around demonstrating. This is weird.

I do move around and it’s amazing. It feels like every square is being held gently by the awesome magic foam stuff.

‘This is an awesome bed.’ I tell the sales guy. He already knows, he’s a Tempur-Pedic dealer, he knows it’s not fair. That’s the way with all narcotics right, you just got to get your customer to make that leap and try it.

Ok I didn’t buy one at brookstone. I’m not one of those people who like to take the piss with their carry on luggage. But I have got one on order. Sorry Brookstone, I didn’t get it from you.

I later wondered if I had imagined the Brookstone sales guy. I’ll check next time I’m in San Fran.

Bored With Text Based Recipes?

2009-06-09T16:58:00.000+01:00

You do what? You just draw the recipe?’ I take another gulp of beer, I’m several gulps past the edge and simple concepts are starting to be challenging.

‘Yeah, you draw your recipe. Then you draw how you put it all together to make whatever it is. Scan it and email it and we put it up on the site.’ Tom says patiently. Though I can tell he thinks I’m an idiot. It is a beautifully simple concept after all, but one you really have to see to appreciate.

I nod, still not entirely sure. I start to imagine how I would draw fruity toast cakes, my own signature dish, I can't wait to put crayon to paper.

'I've got to see it' I tell him, fumbling for my phone.

I whack the address www.recipelook.co.uk into thebrowser and there it is. Awesome.

Just like Tom described. People have drawn the various ingredients, then used simple diagrams to show how their dish is all put together. The drawings are all really individual. Some are better than others but they are all fascinating. The recipes are easy to follow, you gotta love, beans + toast = beans on toast.

Simple, visually rewarding and great fun. Draw up your favourite recipe, scan it and mail to Tom. He’ll stick it on his site. Awesome.

Details are on the site

Leave Whining to the Whiners

2009-06-07T17:53:00.000+01:00

Whining, complaining, moaning , groaning, bitching, call it what you want, accomplishes little else than reinforcing your dissatisfaction and creating a crappy environment for anyone around you.

Will Bowen was so passionate about living without complaining that he challenged his parish (don’t worry this isn’t going to get religious) to go 21 days without complaining or gossiping (he lumps gossiping in with complaining, it’s a pretty ugly way to pass time that we all engage in from time to time, me included, I’m not proud of it, but I am doing something about it.)

Will had a special purple bracelet made, like the yellow LIVESTRONG effort, and asked everyone up for the challenge to switch the bracelet to the other wrist each time they complained about something or someone. No exceptions, no gossiping at the water cooler about the promiscuity of the fat girl in purchasing, not even really trivial stuff like

‘This peanut butter is so not chunky, how can they call these pathetic granules, chunks, what the hell is their definition of a chunk for chrissakes? How can they sell this as CHUNKY when this clearly isn’t FLIPPIN CHUNKY’.

Oh wait, that might have been the old me prior to reading the book.

Some took months to make the 21day challenge, some years and others are still at it. The concept became so popular that they sent out over 6 million bracelets to 105 countries. Will has written a book on the challenge called a Complaint Free World. It is a really quick read and will give a better insight into why we complain and how toxic it is to our relationships and the way we interact with people. The book has great testimonials scattered throughout the chapters. Not just crazy self help folks, looking yet another quick fix, turn my life around, life coaching concept wagon to jump on either, there are stories from professionals, managers, even pentagon staff.

I have also passed the book around at work and even the grumpy cynics, proclaiming they never complain anyway, gave it a shot and have since admitted to real positive improvement in work place relationships.

So what the hell is defined as complaining? What’s the big deal anyway? Everyone complains, it’s our God given right to get pissed of and whine about all kinds of stuff, it’s what makes us human dammit.

Sadly, there are a few of us who think like this, we all think that we enjoy getting together to bitch about how crap our day was, one upping each other for how lousy work is, or taxes, or the price of fuel or how un-chunky the chunky peanut butter we just bought was. The truth of the matter is all this complaining is really just depressing us more and more.

Ok so this does sound a little like a bunch of tree hugging hippy crap. I have to admit I thought the same thing to begin with, but if you don’t give it a shot, you are missing out on an awesome opportunity.

If you have got this far, do me a favour and either get the book or stick an elastic band around your wrist and just try it out for one day. Just see if you can do it. Worse case scenario is that you think a little before you open your mouth and spread your dissatisfaction. Ask yourself what am I going to achieve by complaining about this? Am I really going to feel any better for it? Are these peanut butter chunks going to magically get any bigger. Don’t kid yourself. Don’t waste your minutes complaining about something, make it better.

Fruity Toast Cakes – The most awesome breakfast in the world....probably.

2009-06-01T17:27:00.000+01:00

Ok so I’m no chef. I know this because I have friends who are. I’m not talking Chefs by profession but the kind of people who have the creativity and talent to whip up really awesome dishes with all manner of exciting exotic ingredients and technical procedure involving many utensils and apparatus. Lucky for me my wife is one of those awesome Chefs, she becomes more creative with each new dish.

When we are invited to dinner at these chef occupant households, we get very excited, we know we are in for an amazing meal, the food will be incredible, the ambiance perfect and the company... well you know the kind of instantly fulfilling enjoyment you only get with long time friends who know where you’re from and what you’re about....in fact , finding a restaurant to rival such an evening becomes really quite difficult.

So where the hell am I going with this post? I’m not telling you to befriend awesome chefs or even to marry one, although if you get the opportunity I definitely recommend it.

Nope, I’m going to share with you one of my awesome creations, and like so much on the internet these days, this one’s for free.

Fruity Toast Cakes – A User Guide

Toast some thinly sliced bread until golden brown. It’s got to thin bread, this is all about the topping, let the bread simply be a vehicle to transport the rest of the ingredients to your salivating chops.

Slather lashings of crunchy peanut butter. You can use smooth peanut butter if that's your preference. We’re all about the chunky crunchy stuff in our house, but that’s just how we roll. Go for organic, it may just be a mental thing but it seems to make it taste more righteous and check the label for highest percentage of peanuts to avoid as much hydrogenated fat as possible. The quantities in peanut butter are so insignificant it’s not worth getting all amped up about though. Whole Earth has 97%, that's the highest I've found so far.

If you want to freestyle a little, you can switch the peanut butter for chocolate spread (Nutella rocks our house).

Slice up some banana and strawberries. Thin slices to avoid toppling of the crowning ingredient, a blueberry sliced in twain.

The moisture in the strawberry is what helps with the detaching of the peanut butter from the roof of your mouth. Yep, genius I know.

There you have it. Delicious any time of day but with some hot fresh coffee and some chilled juice it’s the breakfast of champs.

In fact, I like to serve this dish with a theatrical call similar to a boxing commentator introducing the reigning champ.

That’s right Sam and Oli, my awesome Chef pals, right back at ya. (Insert short mental video of victory dance and blowing the tips of my smoking gun fingers).

kids...yep, awesome.

2009-05-27T09:55:00.000+01:00

Just a short one today. We just had our second wee boy, just a few days ago. He is just as awesome as his big brother and we feel like we're the happiest people on the planet right now. All you lot out there with kids know exactly what I'm talking about. Right, there has to be something else I should be doing right now, if only I could remember what it is.

TED.COM...it will blow your mind....well maybe.

2009-05-19T17:02:00.000+01:00

‘So did you see Gore on Ted the other day?’ Computer graphic architect guy across the table says to me stuffing some weird Peruvian sushi type thing into his mouth.

I look at the people to either side, is computer graphics guy is talking to me? if so why does he think I would be into watching Gore of any kind, least of all on Ted.

Computer graphics guy had really small square glasses that seemed to pick up every kind of reflection and made it virtually impossible to see who he was talking to.
Everyone else was engaged in other conversation, I hesitated, almost diving in with the bluff. 'Me? Yeah sure, that Gore was awesome.' But I chickened out.
‘Nope, didn't see it. Actually, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Sorry.’

Computer graphic architect guy, who’s name I never did learn, snorts and shakes his head.
‘Ted.com’ he says ‘check it out, it’ll blow your mind.’ He nudges other computer graphic architect guy next to him and repeats his Gore question, ignoring me from then on.

So I did and while computer graphic architect guy was 90% dick, he was almost right about Ted.com. Gore was Al Gore and it was his presentation about the continued threat of global warming, as if you hadn't guessed.

What is TED, well here’s their definition, direct from their site.

TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from those three worlds. Since then its scope has become ever broader

Ok so TED.COM won’t blow your mind, but it may just change the way you look at something or push the boundaries of what you thought was possible. There are some amazing people who have accomplishd amazing things talking about truly fascinating topics. You can watch them online, download to desktop or download as a podcast. I try to grab some Ted action everyday if I can, at 18mins or so per talk, you can get your Ted on while eating lunch.
You can browse to your heart’s content by categories such as ‘jaw dropping’, ‘persuasive’, ‘fascinating’ and so on. Or just get amongst the ‘Most favoured all time’. That will keep you busy enough.

Here are few of my favourites.
Malcolm Gladwell, author of such awesome reads as ‘The Tipping Point’ and ‘Blink’, talks about different varieties of Spaghetti Sauce.

Barry Schwartz, talking about how the paradox of choice is making us less free and less satisfied.

and here’s one by Seth Godin, legendary authority on all things marketing, one of the most successful ebook publishers of all time and best selling paper type book author of awesome reads, ‘Small Is The New Big’ (more on this in another post) and ‘Purple Cow’.

This talk is all about being remarkable in order to get noticed. Like an awesome overload.
Isn’t that a great philosophy 'be remarkable?'

So check out www.TED.COM and let me know which talks you thought were remarkable

Commuting, yeah that sucks......doesn't it?

2009-05-16T14:56:00.000+01:00

You get up at what time? To go where? What everyday? So you spend something like 10 hours a week commuting? What a waste of time. Commuting sucks.

Have you had this conversation? Or are you one of those smug people who don't commute and say something like, 'commute? No, I can pretty much work anywhere. All I need is an Internet connection.'

Hey, I've got nothing against that. I hope to one day find the secret sauce that will let me do the same, but in the mean time, I'm commuting.

The thing is, I actually like it. People who whine and complain about their commute just aren't looking at it in the right way.

Commuting can be an opportunity. Learn something new, get in really serious shape, or just have some decent thinking time. Don't you just crave a bit of uninterrupted time to just organize your thoughts? Write down your most important tasks for the day? (see posts on procrastinating). Dreaming up ideas of how to get the most out of your minutes? No....maybe you should. Alone time with no distractions, no music or other media stimulus can be incredible.

If you just burn minutes in getting from A to B, no wonder the commute becomes a miserable slog. Set a goal for a week's worth of commuting and reap the satisfaction of having done something really useful with that dead time.

I've got about 25-30km of commuting, depending on the route. That translates to about an hour of cycling each way, or 45-80mins of driving, depending on traffic.

A few months ago, I nailed a whole week of riding in to work and back, just short of 300km. I was pretty beat by Thursday and I thought Friday was going to be misery on wheels, but I actually started feeling stronger. By the time I got home Friday night, I felt awesome.

I've been so busy lately that I've had to pretty much ditch my triathlon training, but actually the commute has kind of saved my fitness.

I busted a bunch of ribs stacking my mountain bike the other week, forcing me to commute by car again. I was all kinds of miserable, but I set myself a goal. I wanted to learn as much as I good about SEO, web marketing and online advertising. I bought a few audio books and downloaded a few podcasts and two weeks later, I'm a damn site more clued up than I was prior to the accident.

Set a goal for your commute. Even if it's running to the station. Time yourself, see if you can beat that PR. Go to mapmyrun.com or mapmyride.com

These sites are awesome and so easy to use. Map out different routes to work. See how far you are running or riding. Set a distance goal for the week. Maybe you can find a local 10k race to set as a goal and then use your commute as training. If you use a garmin GPS watch or bike computer you can get loads more data about your commute and even store it online. More on this in another post.

Download podcasts on subjects you know absolutely nothing about. What about learning a new language? There are tons of resources online for this.

Don't let that commute suck away those precious minutes. Maybe you can use the time to learn how to become one of the smug.com and never have to commute ever again.

Let me know how you've maxed out the minutes of your commute.

What's Up With Clutter?

2009-05-15T16:03:00.000+01:00

'Where the **** is my flipping thingo whatchamacallit? I swear it was right here.....' I curse, raking through the drawer loaded with all kinds of crap.
A Mr. T key fob that asks me
'What you talkin 'bout, fool?' upon pressing one of the small blue rubber buttons, before I interrupt it with,
'Don't gimme no jibba jabba'.
I race through the other buttons making a kind of Mr. T rap and wasting yet more time.

'Sweeeeeeetness, where's my GPS thingo for running.' I holler up the stairs.
Why my wife would have any more clue than I do, I have no idea.
'Dunno, did you check the red drawers?' She answers nonchalantly.
I look back down at the mess of random stuff in the drawers. How many sets of spare shoe laces can any man need? Wait, when have I ever actually worn out a set of shoelaces?
Maybe when I was 8, but then I wore the same pair of shoes for pretty much everything and I used to yank about 6 knots into the laces because they were so crazy long and I never thought to cut them.
Anyways, you know what I'm talking about here. CLUTTER. Oh my God, the amount of time we must all waste looking for stuff we actually use because it gets trapped in a vortex of clutter is just insane.
How the hell can anyone find any awesome with the amount of time we spend dealing with clutter?

I recently went on a de-cluttering mission. It was one of the most surprisingly satisfying projects I've ever done.
Holy Guacamole, once you commit to going down this road you become like some crazed decluttering junkie, it's just awesome.
De-cluttering is scary to start with, there's so much stuff that you think you need and you end up sticking right back in that drawer, but you gotta be ruthless. Don't let that crap get the better of you.

Start slow. Pick one drawer. Take it out and dump that whole thing out on the floor. Get three boxes. Stuff you can't live without, stuff that's getting chucked and stuff you're giving away.
Now go for it. Think, when's the last time I actually used that? Why am I holding onto that map showing all the speed traps in the UK? Have I ever actually pulled that map out, traced my journey and thought.. 'hmmm yes, let me see, I can break the speed limit, here, here and here but need to jump on the brakes here and here.' Right that's going out.
What about giving stuff away, how many MP3 players can anyone need? Give it away, give it to someone less fortunate, take it the charity shop. Ask yourself what would feel better, stuffing this thing back in the drawer or knowing someone less fortunate can get some use out it?

If you are anything like my family, there are bowls of crap all over the house. Take a bowl or a drawer every day. Don't do it all at once. By taking a different area each day, it doesn't get onerous and you're more likely to keep at it.
Before you stick that stuff you just have to keep back in that drawer or even back in that 'clutter vacuum' bowl, take a moment to see if there isn't somewhere better that it should live. Somewhere that prevents you from wasting time, looking for it.

Declutter your clothing. Oh man, this was awesome.
How long has it been since I wore these linen trousers? I wondered, pulling them out of the cupboard and watching the swirl of dust dance in the sunlight coming through the bedroom window.
Oh yeah, the pockets aren't deep enough and my wallet falls out each time I sit down. Right, they're out of here.
How much of your clothing doesn't make you feel good or doesn't perform the right function?
That black N white floral patterned shirt was really pricey, I like the look, but what the hell is that material it's made from? I'm wearing it less than 20 seconds and I'm practically dehydrated from sweating so much, it's like the world's most efficient insulator. Is this lined with silver foil? Right, that's going out.
What about the sock drawer?
You gotta be kidding me, I've never seen so many socks. It's funny, I sure don't remember buying all these socks. Have they been multiplying? Are socks like rabbits or what?
And what about the random crap that ends up in sock drawers because you just couldn't find a better place to put them. I have belts in there, pens, some change, old concert tickets, a packet of jelly belly beans...what the ****.

What about your desk? Does the top of your desk look like mini tornado came through there and just threw all your stuff up in the air. De-cluttering your desk will not only improve your efficiency, it contributes massively to maintaining your focus. If you can remove all distractions from the task at hand, you are a long way along the path to maintaining the focus necessary to complete that task in the shortest possible time.
You know what I'm going to say about your desk drawers. Dump each one out on the floor. So what if you get some weird stares, it doesn't take long. Deal with each item at a time and get through it. You'll save so much time, knowing exactly what's in each drawer and where to put stuff from your desk to maintain that clear surface.
Reward yourself when it's done. I like to jump onto my desk and pump my fists in the air screaming,
'Yeah baby, that just happened'.
This maybe too extreme or strange for most though. Maybe an extra cookie with your coffee or a small self high five is a better option.

Clutter robs us of so much time, it's a damn crime. Stop wasting your minutes looking for your awesome stuff because it got sucked into a clutter vacuum.
Simplify your stuff. You really don't need all that crap. Ask yourself is this essential?

I did keep the Mr. T key ring though. It makes me smile
'First name MR, middle name PERIOD, last name T, Grrrrrrrr

Procrastination Is The Thief Of Time

2009-05-13T17:01:00.001+01:00

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. It's that old thief of time we're all soooo guilty of. There's just no denying it. Everybody at some point has been suckered into it.
If you want an awesome definition of it, you just gotta check out Johnny Kelly's award winning animation, 'Procrastination'.
There are ton's of funny examples of how we get suckered into wasting our precious minutes everyday. It's only 4:35minutes long and well worth checking out.

How can we find 'Awesome' if we're rearranging our fricken pens or lining up the objects on our over cluttered desks in height order cross refrencing them by weight, texture and usefulness,

hmmm should this pen be in shiny, lightweight, tall even though when it's laying on my desk it's pretty short, like this here shiny pencil sharpener. Wow, when's the last time I used that. Hmmm that should move into less useful shiny, short.

......or checking the weather in morocco in July because Steve said he might go there this summer and you thought it might not be a good idea, because you heard it might too damn hot to fart without setting your pants on fire,
'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhh what the hell are Idoing?' you suddenly scream at yourself.
If I don't get this damn report finished I'm gonna have to stay here all night.
Procrastination is the subject of today's search for Awesome. Killing as much of this sneaky highly potent thief of time has got to be one of the first things we can all do something about right now.
How?
Well you can start by having a plan for the day. I do this straight away and I don't use anything electronic to do it. No outlook tasks, no reminder, no internet alerts, nothing on my phone, nothing I tell you. I use a small notebook. This notebook is awesome for all sorts of reasons and I'll save it for a post another time.
Ok so the plan...
Write down the three most important things you want to get done today.
What? You are sh*ttin me. That's it?
Yep, pretty much. This is no brilliance on my part, it's well documented in many places. I'll tell you where in a moment.
There can be other things on your day plan, but make three of them your absolute gotta get it done tasks.
Right, got your tasks pinned down on paper? I do it while I'm munching my breakfast. Really give it some thought. Ask yourself, what do I really need to get done today? Make them important tasks that will have an impact on the rest of your week, month or even year. Don't get caught up in the minutae of things that really don't matter, can be delegated or postponed. Do you really need to check out house insurance quotes now? It's not up for renewal for another 3months and there may be a better deal later on?
Your tasks don't have to take hours, in fact if they do, you are better off breaking them down into smaller segments. Your tasks have to be realistic and manageable.
You are going to get interrupted all day long by a bazillion other things. Especially if you are running a business or have managerial responsibilities. The amount of questions I get everyday make my brain spin.
If you repeatedly fail to complete your tasks, you are probably over reaching. Make them acheivable. One task I had today was, 'check the progress of a new design of a component in our tensile stress testing instrument.' It was a 20minute discussion, but one that I absolutely had to get done, to make sure the project stays on schedule for an important order.

Get your tasks done right away. As soon as you can after waking up in the morning, get to it. Don't give me any of that I'm not a morning person crap, that's just not a viable argument. Nobody likes waking up early. What the hell is early anyway? It's just a function of when you went to bed.
If you can possibly avoid it, don't connect to your email, there is bound to be a message to derail you from your tasks, there is going to be that email from some customer that you believe needs dealing with right away, or some friend that you haven't heard from in ages. The likely truth of the matter is that the email could possibly wait. Better yet, have an auto responder email telling people that you won't be opening your email until 11am and that if their inquiry is urgent to please call you. Most people are prepared to wait and if not they will call.
You can read much more than I have to say on this and other excellent time saving advice on Leo Babauta's excellent blog, Zenhabits.net and on Tim Ferris' site fourhourworkweek.com

We try to accomplish too much in one day and end up failing to produce our best work. We often procrastinate when we are overwhelmed with the amount of things we have to do, or by the complexity or even size of the task at hand. Break down complex and ardous task into smaller managable bites and get them done first thing. By completing three important tasks everyday you get a sense of amazing accomplishment. I'm absolutely serious. You will notice the benefit immediately.

Sure it won't work for everyone, but my guess is that if you are reading a blog documenting my search for Awesome, you'll give it a try. Let me know how you get on.

2009-05-12T17:02:00.000+01:00

What the **** is this blog about. It's a journey I guess.

I'm looking for a place, a state of mind, where I can honestly say to myself, 'Yeah, I think I'm getting the most out of my minutes.

I don't know when I'll get there, I just know that every now and then I get flashes of it. Times when I'm really flowing and feeling like I'm hanging out in the zone where everything just seems to be going right.

I believe that fundamentally it is something we all have inately programmed into our survival instinct. That drive that gets us up everyday and stops us from diving under a bus when things get a little difficult.

Ok, so some have this more than others, but maybe some of us just try to suppress it or push it away, refusing to acknowledge that it's there for fear of not being able to get it, or because it's just too much damn effort.

What am I talking about? Being awesome of course.

What? Oh crap, another zen preachy blog, giving it all the 'do good things and cool stuff will happen to you'

Yeah that does sound a bit pretentious, but being awesome just means trying to be all you can be, not letting life just tick by. Make the most of your minutes, there's loads of cool stuff out there to try, the only problem is, there are only so many minutes available.

This is my journey in search of awesome. I hope that by sharing some of what I find along the way, I can help you find some too. Maybe I'll help you make the most of your minutes. I hope you can help me make the most of mine.